Ahmad Nurcholish and Ang Mei Yong: “Witness” of Muslim and Confucius Couple: This Marriage is My “Experiment”

Ahmad Nurcholish might have predicted that his marriage to Ang Mei Yong, a Confucius woman would incite a negative reaction from the Board Managers of Al-Azhar Mosque, Jakarta. In his capacity as the manager of Youth Islamic Study Club (YISC) of Al-Azhar has incited the Mosque’s objection in his insistence to marry Ang Mei Yong. As Heru Widiyanto, general director of YISC, said, “the dakwah (missionary endeavour) of YISC cannot go against the mainstream of thinking within society.” (Gatra Magazine, 21st June 2003, p. 18-19). Last week Nurcholis proposed to submit a letter of resignation to the YISC management to avoid further controversy. 

The above controversy started with the marriage of 27 year old Nurcholish with 24 year old Mei two weeks ago. That marriage was conducted in two ways. First there was the Ijab Kabul in which consent was given by the bride’s family at a wedding ceremony according to Islamic tradition. The dowry of 8,8 grams of gold was accepted at the Islamic Study Centre Paramadina in Jakarta. Dr. Kautsar Azhari Noer acted in the capacity of Mei’s wali (male relative legally responsible for a bride) while Ulil Abshar-Abdalla acted in the capacity of the Islamic witness. Meanwhile, the Confucian blessing was performed at lithan room of Matakin Secretariat at Sunter in North Jakarta. 

Nurcholis studied at the Pesantren (Islamic boarding school) of Al-faqih and is a son of a religious teacher in the town of Grobogan. The witness was Ulil Abshar-Abdalla from Islam Liberal Network (JIL) who conducted the following interview on Thursday, 19^th June 28, 2003.

ULIL ABSHAR ABDALLA: Mr Nurcholis, You decided to marry a Confucius woman. Are you sure that your marriage with Ang Mei Yong is legitimate according to your belief?

AHMAD NURCHOLISH (AN): Yes.  First of all I start from the assumption that my marriage is legitimate. Theologically, at least in accordance to what I’ve learned (in Alquran sura al-Baqarah verse 221-ed.), interfaith marriage (IFM) between Muslim and non Muslim woman is legitimate in Islam. The prohibition only applies to polytheistic people (the Musyrik).

Secondly, I want to test the truth of the growing assumption within society which says that IFM result in many conflicts and are particularly susceptible to divorce. Hence, we might say that this marriage is an “experiment” in which I want to prove to myself the validity of inter-faith marriage (IFM).

ULIL: Do you dare to experiment with such a serious and sacred matter?

AN: Yes, previously I had relations with a Catholic woman and a Protestant woman though I never dared to enter into a marital relationship. So this is my third experience in having a relationship with women of different beliefs.

ULIL: Mei, did you feel an internal conflict while deciding to marry a Muslim?

ANG MEI YONG (AMY): Initially I felt an internal conflict. Furthermore I might even be said to be “an experimental victim” (giggling). Recently however I realize that this marriage is just natural. It’s not a matter of simply being haram (prohibited) or whatever. Moreover, my brother has also experienced interfaith marriage so it is not a new thing in my family’s “tradition”. 

ULIL: Is your marriage legitimate from a Confucian view?

AMY: Legitimate. As far as I know there is only one relevant verse from the Holy Book of Confucius and it simply says that “Marriage should be done with someone of a different clan.” Besides that Confucius’s teachings do not say much about religious views regarding marriage. 

ULIL: The conventional law of fikh (Islamic jurisprudence) allows Muslim to marry non-Muslim women of the people of the scripture. Nevertheless, you marry a Confucian woman. Do you consider Confucians as people of the scripture?

AN: In the tafseer/interpretations, most of interpreters limited the meaning of the people of the scripture to Jews and Christians. Some interpretations are more limited saying that it only applied in the age of the prophet Muhammad SAW. I then ask, if it is valid only in the age of the Prophet, are not the Jews and Christians who lived in the age of Prophet similar to those living in the current age? If the assumption is that the Holy Books of Jews and Christians have changed tahrif over time, has not the deviation occurred already in the age of the Prophet and even before the time of the prophet Muhammad?

So I rely on an interpretation which says that anyone who believes in God and has a Holy Book for guidance can be included in the category of “people of the Scripture.” In short, I believe that Confucians are people of the Scripture as well.

ULIL: This Interfaith marriage is controversial within society. How do you face this controversy?

AN: Actually, long before we decided to marry, we thought about what types of response and reaction would follow.  We assumed that many people would oppose it and ask whether interfaith marriage was allowed or not – that is theologically speaking. So when the controversy emerged, we had already prepared ourselves at least psychologically. 

ULIL: Have you experienced any rejection from within Confucian circles, Mei?

AMY: If so I have never heard of it directly though I have not had any connection with Confucian people over the last several months. In fact,  starting from last May, I withdrew form Gemaku Matakin (the High Council of Confucius in Indonesia). One of my reasons for this was that I wanted to marry a Muslim.

ULIL: Many people are convinced, though without any careful study, that people who enter into interfaith marriages will never feel happy. What is your response to them?

AN: The question is this: does happiness exist merely as a result of religious similarity? I think that many factors influence our level of happiness, that it is not merely about religion. For example, many people are married to someone of the same religion, but they do not experience happiness. Consequently I think that the matter of religious similarity is only indirectly related to the happiness of a household.

ULIL: Mei, when you have children, will you give them the freedom to choose their own religion?

AMY: Personally, I would prefer not to teach my children about “religion” since I have observed that religion is breaking fellowship apart. Many people seek peace and all kind of good intentions in the name of religion, nevertheless it all is usually nonsense especially considering that religion is often used to justify bloodshed and murder.

ULIL: What is your opinion, Nurcholis?

AN: To me, children, as it has been said by Kahlil Gibran, are not anyone’s possessions. They are their own possession. Hence, as I see it, children are not the possessions of their parents. For myself, our role as parents is simply to teach them to follow the right path and not to deviate from it or harm others in any way. I would prefer to let my children determine their own religious beliefs.

(Translated by Lanny Octavia, Edited by Jonathan Zilberg)